I Am For Sale, Who Will Buy Me?
(Eds Note: This is only the second anonymous piece we have run on the blog. We encourage our participants to claim their own stories, but in this case, the writer felt she could only safely share this if she did so anonymously.)
I used to think big. When I was six, I made my mom let me go to school, and I loved it. My father told me: “If you stay at the top of your class until the end of your studies, I will do two things for you. First, I will let you go abroad to continue your education. Secondly, I will buy you a car and let you drive.” With the encouragement of my father, I was a superstar in my classes. He was my first English teacher and he always called me “my scholar daughter.”
During the Taliban’s black government, my brothers could go to school, but I couldn’t. My father bought me school supplies, though, and told me: “Be patient. One day you will finish your studies.” He was right. I waited five years, but after that, I could go to school.
When I was in ninth grade, I earned my first money from teaching English. It was only 200 Afs, but I was excited. I gave my salary to my father. He kissed me and laughed and told me, “Dear, keep your salary for yourself. I don’t need it.” I said, “Dad, it is for you.” He smiled and told me, “It is just the cost of ink for your shoes,” and he gave me another 1000 Afs. He was my supporter in all aspects.
When I was sixteen years old, one of my neighbors came to our house and proposed that his son marry me. My father was angry and told him: “Do you know my daughter is sixteen? It is time for her to study. If the king comes and knocks at the door of my house and proposes that my daughter marry his son, I won’t accept it. Please, leave my house and never come back again.”
I was in my last days of school when my father died. When I lost him, I lost my shadow, but he left me with his words and advice and books. After his death, our economic situation was bad. Mom’s salary was the equivalent of $25, which was not enough. I began teaching classes in a private school. Half my salary was for my studies and half went for house expenses. During these years, I was the poorest student in my class. I spent days without breakfast or lunch, but I felt happy for my education. During the last four years, I received a number of marriage proposals but I rejected them all. Most wanted me to stop my studies and never work outside the home.
After my father died, the responsibility for me fell to my brothers, who grew up under the Taliban government and were influenced by it. Now I live with three Talibs and I must obey what they say. I am not like a girl in the house, but a slave. When I was at third year at the university, the owner of our house demanded higher rent. My family decided they would leave Kabul and go to a province where housing was cheaper. But I didn’t know how I would continue my studies in that case, so I gave up my transportation money to help pay for our rent, and I go to the university on foot.
Still, at the beginning of this year, my brothers said: “It is time for you to marry.” They arranged a marriage to my first cousin, my mom’s brother’s son, who lives in a province where most of the people are Talib. My cousin is about 40 years old and uneducated. His family has a business and a big house. Their women are required to wear burqas and are responsible for cooking, cleaning and caring for the animals. Most have eight or nine children. They can’t go outside the house—even when they are sick, they aren’t allowed to go to the doctor. My uncle’s money gives him power despite the fact that he is uneducated.
My family thinks I am tired of working so hard, and that my uncle’s money will convince me to accept this golden bracelet. My uncle told my family he would pay them $20,000, and this money might possibly keep my family alive. At the same time, I am thinking about graduating, seeking my masters’ degree and a PhD, getting a better job, making an independent life, standing on my own feet. I told my mom: “Please give me a chance. I don’t like this man. I can’t marry him. If you want to sell me, then I am ready to buy myself. I have a plan for my life. Please give me a chance, please, please.” She didn’t reply, but cried silently with me. I told her: “If my father were here, he would bring a revolution in this house.”
None of my close friends know what is happening with me. Once one of my classmates came to my house and she was carrying her notebook. I study in secret. When my family saw her notebook, they behaved badly toward her and told her not to come again.
These days I am thinking of possible solutions: how to get another job, earn at least $1,000 a month in salary. Running away is not an option because girls who run away here are raped by men and spend years in jail, and I am not such a girl. I can’t leave my mom because my brothers believe anything “wrong” I do is the fault of my mother, and they will kill her. My brothers think a girl who has a bank account or a mobile phone is a prostitute. I hide my phone and keep it on silent mode when I’m home.
I have two months to find a solution. If I fail, I have to accept this marriage, and I will accept it because of my mom, but I can’t live in such a situation. How can I live with such a man, or accept such failure? I think if this happens, I won’t stay in this world; I will leave the world for those who can live in it, who can find a solution.
What I write here are the wounded and torn pieces of my heart and the secrets an Afghan girl suffers.
I am like a piece of cloth. I cost little. Who will buy me?
By Anonymous
[...] in the past did, to achieve the rights & freedoms which so many of us languish in today. I Am For Sale, Who Will Buy Me? __________________ Juanita, Blitzen, Beejay and [...]
I hope we can all find a way to get money to this woman. I linked to this story on my FB and I know of plenty of people who would be willing to make donations to the cause. Small amounts would add up very quickly.
If only we could figure out a way to help her without the brothers finding out. It does not sound as if she is allowed a bank account. Keep us posted on how we can help if at all possible.
I would like to join the ever-growing list of supporters and admirers. Heroine Anonymous, you, and other women like you, are the true heroes in this world. Your story has strengthened my own resolve – please allow me to help if I can. I, too, will donate my own money, start a fundraiser, write letters – I’ll do anything at all to help.
lestliepalooza@gmail.com
[...] http://awwproject.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/i-am-for-sale-who-will-buy-me/ [...]
What a moving story. I would like to add my name to the ranks willing to help this woman.
ohigetit1@gmail.com
Dear friend,
Thank you for sharing your story but don’t five up, this is not the your story in fact this is the reality of millions of Afghan girls and they even do not have the chance to say what you have said, so you must have been the luckiest one.
If you do something such as losing your courage then no other girl will learn from you, we all are with you and I am sure you can do it if you are alone even. Keep fighting for your life and keep fighting for your dream.
Please send me your CV. limaahmad@gmail.com
I am glad to see that there will be some kind of fund set up for this writer’s needs. I will gladly give what I can, I will also pass on her story and the link to this website to some folks I know here at the University of Iowa. Maybe they will know some other ways to help.
Hi! I live and work in afghanistan, if there is anything i could do to help would love to, you can email me at jasveen_ahluwalia@yahoo.com
I would like to help in any way that is needed. Anonymous, you will be in my prayers every day. If this group can make a united effort, I will be part of that. Please keep me posted.
I would like to help as well. kellylynne@gmail.com (Please forward my e-mail addy to the committee set up to help.)
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry that it’s been so hard for you, and you’re in my prayers.
There is no shame in being born into a place of cruelty as long as you refuse to be a part of it. Hold your head high as long as you do what you know is right.
I would like to help in any way possible. If there is a collective committee set up or any other information available please contact me.
jojo82496@yahoo.com
Willing also to commit funds to help. Email me.
mfstewart@sympatico.ca
I am working on a novel, but I have been burned out on it for awhile. It has been very hard to put myself in a place where I can write in the voices of people who have had their intellectual voices taken away. Simply- no such thing ever happened to me.
I am going to print out your letter and tape it to the window over my desk. I am going to finish this novel that you gave back to me.
I will be checking back here to updates. I will do what I can to help you as much as you have helped me, although I don’t think I can thank you enough with mere earthly things.
Please contact me through my e-mail. It is lclark1903@yahoo.com. I am in the Women’s movement. I will be starting my graduate studies in a few weeks. However, I do know people who can help. Please contact me as soon as you can! Thanks!
Salaam,
can we meet, please!
Give me a call or send me an email, my emial add is (azizi_makhfi@yahoo.com)
and my phone is 0779522061 or please send me a text message.
i am living in Kabul, Mackrorayan.
Am looking very much forward hearing from you!
This is such an awful situation, and you’re braver than I can say for continuing to resist and speak out…
Let me know if there’s any way I can help.
citoyenneb@gmail.com
I, too, will donate what I can be it time or money to assist Heroine Anonymous. It may not be much, but every little bit counts in a situation like this.
jemonck@gmail.com
I’ll buy you. I have no intentions of making you marry a man you don’t want. I don’t want sex, gratitude, heartache, or any other gift.
What I do want is your freedom, and if your freedom has a price tag, I’ll pay it. There are many of us in the world who, in the space of a second, step forward and write the check.
That said, I know it’s not as easy as that, but if this world can free one woman from mental, social, and cultural slavery, what could the slavemakers of the world do then?
Does the saying “follow your bliss,” even mean anything to you, I wonder. It is what i believe all human’s should do, and the world would be a better place. But, I wonder if that is even a concept that a woman in such a repressing situation can comprehend. But, i believe you will find your way.
I am so very sad for you. I hate that you have to live in fear. You are so very brave and it makes my problems seem so small. Please know I don’t have much, but I would love to send you something if it would help. If someone would e-mail me and let me know how to help this girl, I will gladly help. My e-mail is dholt@palopetro.com. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I will help in any way I can. Please email me at denim_ninja@hotmail.co.uk if there is a way to donate money or any other way I can help.
the question that keeps pondering my heart is what can i do..what can i do?..i read these sordid stories and the only thing i can do is have you in my thoughts . If it was up to me I would make the journey there no government or military protocols just for once help humanity….Stay strong. For some reason your story reminded me of A thousand splendid suns….
At first, I couldn’t even finish reading this because it was making me sad and I wanted to cry. I finally finished reading this, just now, and I want to tell you that you are a very strong person. NEVER let ANYONE tell you that you are worthless or that you worth little. Education is the key to success and you should NEVER give up on it. Keep a strong heart and a strong mind. Never let go of your dreams.
My daughter just applied to 6 different Universities. I was moved to tears reading this. What a difference between these two young lives. My daughter on the brink of her independence and this brave ,articulate Afghani Woman on the brink of slavery.
Please let me know where I can send some money to help you.
I would like to help, if at all possible.
dolly_speaks@hotmail.com
Please let me know if there’s a way I can help.
incaroads5@aol.com
These Muslims. The enlightened ones “let” their women wear scarves and maybe a have a job. The rest treat them like broodstock and cattle.
Anonymous writer, you have the power behind you of all the women and men who have read your words. I am certain that you live in such great fear that you may not even trust enough to reach out to all these strangers who offer you support.
Regardless of what slavery your brothers may force upon you, there is a world of women who now know about you and will support through thought, prayer, money and connections.
There will be a way to change your situation even though you may not see the path today or even for several years. Stay strong if you can. There will be a way.
Stay alive for your mother. She will give you strength even if she doesn’t have the power to give you freedom.
[...] http://awwproject.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/i-am-for-sale-who-will-buy-me/ [...]
You are very much needed in this world and you are not a piece of rag..My thoughts and prayers are with you…
You are brave and strong and amazing. If there is any way that I can help you, I will – even if only letting you kow there’s people all over the world who hold you in their hearts. I wish you light in the darkness, and a safe passage in whatever your journey is.
Please don’t give up. I’m proud of the man who offered to buy you to give you freedom. There are men who do understand and care and want to change the way women are treated. We are all human beings no matter where we are. Education is the way to go. I want you to know you are being heard. I pray that you will get enough money to help you and your mother be free. It’s so sad your uncle and brothers don’t understand. Hopefully they will see that education is good – for both men and women.
I haven’t read the word “incest” yet. The cruelty doesn’t stop at the present, but it continues in the future. What happens if these situations conceive children? Mental and/or physical disabilities, deformities. The suffering will continue. This may be the most heartbreaking “eyeopener” I have ever read! An educated woman gives the phrase “buy herself” to keep from marrying her cousin. Her COUSIN! I can’t even describe my feelings right now. I always knew it happened in the USA, but not in another country. Arranged marriages, yes, but with family members? These situations are so tragic!
Anonymous, I presume your situation has ended, regardless of the outcome. Your two months is over. I hope and pray the outcome was the right one. You, as all of us, deserve to choose the one we want to be with. You are screaming for help, yet we feel useless. Some may disagree with me, but I hope you will eventually distant yourself from your brothers. Their Taliban beliefs are nothing but destructive and will only bring more heartache! Family is great but only if they are good to AND for you. Both my mother and father have died, but my step-father is still alive. He was/is a very bad person. Now, to me, he is dead. I only allowed him in my life because of my mother. I distanted myself. I had to have peace. Please know that you have support and prayers from us. I am only a keyboard away! Please feel free to notify your teachers and/or Ms. Pritchard if you choose to contact me. I will help you the best that I can. Ms. Prichard has my e-mail address.
[...] note: This is a follow-up from the essay that ran in January, I Am For Sale, Who Will Buy Me?, by one of our writers who faced a forced marriage. Thanks to an outpouring of help from readers [...]